we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
