some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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