ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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