From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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