I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
