i always forget guys have bellybuttons
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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