You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
