Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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