You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
