guys are only as good as the porn they watch
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
