I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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