U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
