i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
