I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
