I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
