I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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