yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
