Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
