morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
