Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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