Welp...herpes.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
