i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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