my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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