everyone is single if you try hard enough
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
