im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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