We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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