Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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