Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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