he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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