Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
