If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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