I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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