I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Hippo gnu deer
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
