We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Come see our sink grown plant.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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