dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
