FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
