That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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