As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
