tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
