Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
