I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
