If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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