I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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