Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
