his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
