I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
