just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
