You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
