i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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