good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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