is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
