Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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