The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Randomize
