Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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