There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
